#OKNotToBeOK

Some of you might have noticed that it has been a while since the last post.

And that this last post, a tender revelation from my co-blogger Kanika, may have seemed off-brand from our usual jovial tone. But in all honesty, this is exactly the reason she and I began writing here. This blog, to us meant an honest open space where we could explore our true selves and our innermost feelings. And not everyone feels super positive 100% of the time.

People who know me, usually envisage a big smiling face, but may not be aware that sometimes I feel 'blue' (as a result of PMDD) and need to hide away and recharge for days at a time to maintain the level of 'up-ness' that I like to show to the world. My highs are as high as they appear, but the low periods - of which there are many - are equally low. Low, dark and dangerous.

Many of us can relate to these feelings of depression and desperation but so few of us ever talk about it.


Which is why, when Marsha, one of my oldest friends and the Creator, Founder and Editor of SoulCulture (a Soul Train Award nominated online soul magazine) launched a mental health campaign on her popular site in April of this year, it was welcomed with cheers and open arms. The #OkNotToBeOK campaign is to encourage young people, specifically the young hip hop and soul crowd, to talk openly and frankly about depression.

According to the Office of National Statistics, nearly one in five adults in the UK will experience depression at some time in their life. Overwhelmingly the disease occurs more in women than in men (1 in 3 compared with 1 in 10 males), but when the statistics are this high, why is it something that is still discussed in hushed tones, if at all? When was the last time you heard a hiphop artist talking about a time they were so depressed that getting out of bed was hard enough let alone putting on all their ice and driving around in their Bentley's? Rappers don't speak up and consequently their fans and followers stay silent.

Until now...

To launch the campaign, Marsha wrote a post, much like Kanika's brave open letter to you all. In it, she talks about her daily struggle with depression in such an open and frank way that she caught the eye of a Journalist from Ebony magazine who promoted and commended the initiative.

The #OKNotToBeOK campaign is gathering heat.

Artists such as J. Cole, Wretch 32 and Janelle Monae are talking about depression and encouraging their fans to do the same. To speak up; to ask for help; to find a way to carry on.




For me, creative endeavours have always been a way to release negative energy that can build up while I'm feeling blue. I've kept a diary of sorts since I was about 7 years old and writing has always been cathartic. But there are those times when, even though I know it will help, I just cannot get that energy up to write. Or sing. Or go out and dance (- samba has saved my sanity so many times). Instead I hide away, I don't sleep and I cry. Cry, and feel pathetic for crying, and cry some more. Why can't I get it together? How is anyone else supposed to help me if I can't help myself? Why should anyone care? These thoughts come quick and thick and fast. I would feel horribly out of control and worthless. I would become obsessed with food. If I was thinner then maybe I'd like myself more; I'd be happier and these periods of darkness would stop.

When I was 21 at university, a good friend of mine, R, was staying at mine over a quiet summer and we had lots of time to talk. She suffered from severe anxiety and would sometimes feel so upset and vulnerable, she would sleep in bed with me so she could feel safe and so that she wouldn't wake up alone. R explained to me that she was seeing a counsellor. She suggested I go too.

And I went.

In the first session, I was defensive and just cried the entire time. I felt that my issues were obvious. My dad left when I was 5 and I was very close to him. I pinned all my issues and everything else I ever felt sad or upset about on that. But during my time in therapy, it became easier to talk and I began to accept that there was more to it than that. It was recommended that I have CBT- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and after the first month, my counsellor pointed out that everytime she asked how I was feeling, I would reply "fine" - but "fine" is not a feeling. Mindblown! I was 21 and didn't even know how to recognise my own feelings!  I began to realise that my feelings of depression were stimulated by various elements and situations; that it wasn't a permanent state I needed to live in. After a year, she told me that 'life is cathartic'. I was young and I'd uncovered a lot about myself. Couselling had given me tools that I could use in my life to try to help myself out of the dark pits I occassionally fall into.

Obviously it's not easy. When I'm in a situation in which I should be happy in and I'm just not, I find it especially hard to dig myself out. But I know I'm one of the lucky ones. I've avoided the use of anti-depressants (although doctors have recommended it at various time). I tell those close to me because it helps if someone who cares about you knows. Even if you don't say, you have someone keeping an extra eye on you, reminding you that you do mean something to someone.

Marsha, I applaud you for your honesty, your vulnerability and your hard work. Hopefully this silent community will wake up to the fact that they are not alone and that there is help and support out there to help them find the light at the end of the tunnel.

You can follow the #OKNOTTOBEOK campaign online here; on Twitter and on YouTube.




Karla x