What to do when things don't go to plan?

I’ve been pretty silent on the blog front of late. Save from the odd tweet, you’ve not heard much from me in the last couple of months.  

Why?  Because my 2013 has turned out to be pretty shit so far!

I went into this year full of hope that, for the first time in a long time, things were really gonna be good and my life was finally beginning to come together. Ha! That didn’t last long.

My relationship ended.  

A close relative of mine has mental health issues and while, thankfully, they have been doing better following a recent bout of depression, the stress of their ongoing illness and the impact it’s had on my family has become too much.  

The new job I was so excited to start, working for a great organisation that I was proud to be part of and was actually enjoying my role....as of this week, I no longer work there.

I’ve found it difficult to cope with the personal setbacks I’ve had this year.  I’ve tried to remain positive and not fall off the good path that I started on last year, but at the moment that feels impossible.
Initially I threw myself into things, working, writing, going to seminars, making sure I had something to look forward to every week to try and occupy my mind and keep forging on.  It didn’t block out all my negative feelings or sadness but it certainly helped.   Gradually though, over the course of this year and as more has happened, I’ve continued to feel worse about my personal situation and the direction my life feels like it’s heading in.

The last 2 months have been the worst, hence the relative silent.  My confidence is as low as it has been.  I’ve been on daily a cycle of feeling crap, having something to take my mind of it but then feeling crap again when it was over.  I’ve withdrawn from situations and lost the motivation to push myself and engage in others.  I don’t feel like myself and I haven’t for a long time.

Having lived with someone with depression I started to recognise that the way I was feeling wasn't right.  I realised that feeling this way could not continue, especially because I felt that I couldn't pull myself out of it on my own.  I needed help, so I went to see my Doctor to get a referral for some counselling. 

This year has been tough.  The way I’ve been feeling and the way I’ve reacted to certain situations, this year and probably throughout my life, has exposed some underlying issues that have gone unaddressed, and would probably benefit from some professional guidance. 

So I’m waiting to have my first counselling session,  and in recent days I had started to feel a bit more positive, but then this week I lost my job.  

I don’t really know how I feel right now, I don’t think it’s sunk in yet.  My job was one of the few positive things I had, it gave me a sense of purpose, optimism and achievement. Now that’s gone as well I feel adrift, as if I’m starting from scratch at a time when I’m not best equipt to do so.

I know it could be worse, I could not have a home or any one that cares, and I'm really grateful for the support my friends have shown me, but I'm not in a good place at the moment.  I want a break from everything, from the way I've been feeling, but given my situation that’s not something I can afford to do.

We all need help at some point and I'm hoping that speaking to someone professional will be the help I need.  I'll also try and blog more because having a constructive focus and outlet should help to clear this head funk too. With any luck, next time I post it will be something more positive.

Kanika x