What to do when things don't go to plan?

I’ve been pretty silent on the blog front of late. Save from the odd tweet, you’ve not heard much from me in the last couple of months.  

Why?  Because my 2013 has turned out to be pretty shit so far!

I went into this year full of hope that, for the first time in a long time, things were really gonna be good and my life was finally beginning to come together. Ha! That didn’t last long.

My relationship ended.  

A close relative of mine has mental health issues and while, thankfully, they have been doing better following a recent bout of depression, the stress of their ongoing illness and the impact it’s had on my family has become too much.  

The new job I was so excited to start, working for a great organisation that I was proud to be part of and was actually enjoying my role....as of this week, I no longer work there.

I’ve found it difficult to cope with the personal setbacks I’ve had this year.  I’ve tried to remain positive and not fall off the good path that I started on last year, but at the moment that feels impossible.
Initially I threw myself into things, working, writing, going to seminars, making sure I had something to look forward to every week to try and occupy my mind and keep forging on.  It didn’t block out all my negative feelings or sadness but it certainly helped.   Gradually though, over the course of this year and as more has happened, I’ve continued to feel worse about my personal situation and the direction my life feels like it’s heading in.

The last 2 months have been the worst, hence the relative silent.  My confidence is as low as it has been.  I’ve been on daily a cycle of feeling crap, having something to take my mind of it but then feeling crap again when it was over.  I’ve withdrawn from situations and lost the motivation to push myself and engage in others.  I don’t feel like myself and I haven’t for a long time.

I DID IT!

Reader, I removed them!

After months of threatening, umming and ahhing, debating and procrastinating, I, Karla-Jayne Elizabeth (yep!) Thomas am now braid-free and it feels good. My head felt lighter. My curls are super bouncy and lovely and I am filled with hope and refreshed by a change of style.

But suddenly my clothes don't seem to fit the same. My earrings don't work and my make up seems out of place. I look different and I feel different.


The thing that people underestimate when they go natural is the ability to still 'do you'. I've been in and out of long braids for the past 4 years and my personality and style was inextricably linked with my having waist-length hair. I would wear boyish outfits relying on wearing my hair down and long to create a feminine, girly-girl-in-boyfriend's-clothes look instead of just looking butch (nothing against looking butch, it's just not my style).

Long hair = sexiness/ femininity/ sensuality, right?

But I was prepared for this, wasn't I? I have talked before about how people would complain when I first took the braids out:
"Oh but the braids were soooo niiice!"
"Noooooo!!!"
"Why did you change your hair?"

and my personal favourite
"WHHYY did you cut your hair?!"

In reminding these people, I also need to remind myself that I am still the same person as I was with the braids, in all my ridiculous face-making glory - I AM the same woman.

Actually my hair is in pretty good condition. I tried to take care of it while I was in Brasil, using heat protecting products, any shampoo/conditioner/oil including 'karite' (shea) or Argan oil I could find; wetting my hair and running olive oil through it whenever I could remember  every other day, and conditioning, conditioning, conditioning.

So now I have healthy hair which has grown remarkably well:

...despite shrinkage making it look like I have a curly bob...

Whatever. It's my hair and I choose to make the most of it, curls and all.